Where do I start? I guess I’ll throw out my timeline and how I got to where I am today.
TRIGGER WARNING: This post talks about physical and emotional abuse.
It’s possible people I know or are related to will one day stumble across this blog. I will try to change some things on other topics and will not name people, but this is my timeline and it’s what shaped me to be who I am today. I think it’s important to not go too far from what my experiences are/were.
First disclaimer: I’m a true Genx 90’s kid. I’m also a latchkey kid (Linked/copied a great article that embodies the experience).
by BridgeWorks
Who Are the Xers?
Generation X, also referred to as the “Slacker Generation,” “Latchkeys,” “MTV Generation,” or “Baby Busters,” were born between 1965 and 1979. They make up a small band of 60 million, and because of their small population size—squeezed between two huge generations—they’re often referred to as “the forgotten middle child.” Pretty bleak, eh? Even though the oldest Xers have hit the big 5-0, their generation has struggled to shake the image of the Nirvana-obsessed, apathetic, plaid-wearing slacker. The truth? They’re leading the workforce as innovative (if sometimes sarcastic) contributors, and are at the forefront of some of the most disruptive workplace shifts we’ve seen to date.
Nonstop Scandal
When Xers came of age, it felt like the world was coming apart at the seams. This perception was probably heightened by the onset of CNN’s 24-hour news cycle. As the news became more of a business than a strictly informational platform, those 24 hours were filled with all the salacious stories that captured viewers’ attention: murder, sex, crime, avarice… it was all a part of the media diet of the day. Long-revered institutions like NASA began being called into question. There seemed to be a tale of wrongdoing under every stone the media turned. The government (Nixon, Clinton, Iran-contra affair), the corporate world (the Tylenol scare, Enron), athletes (OJ Simpson, Pete Rose), and even Hollywood (Milli Vanilli)—nothing and no one was untouchable. But it wasn’t just the stuff onscreen that was troubling. For Xers, even the neighborhood itself seemed to grow more treacherous. As they poured milk into their Count Chocula cereal, they stared into the face of a missing kid on their milk carton. It was a daily reminder of the spiking crime rate, child abductions, and stranger danger. Growing up in this time of uncertainty, Xers developed a healthy skepticism of the world around them.Latchkey Kids
From 1960 to 1980—smack-dab in the middle of Xers’ formative years—the divorce rate more than doubled. There were also more women in the workforce than ever before. With one or both parents trying to clock in their 40 hours of work (at least), many Xers were left to fend for themselves after school. As many as 40% of Gen Xers were latchkey kids. They sported a key on a cord around their necks and let themselves in while their parents finished out the work day. At home and unsupervised, Xers became pros at organizing their own time. They learned to be independent early on—letting themselves in the house after school, microwaving Pop Tarts for dinner, getting their homework done—and no one was hovering over them or giving them a gold star for a job well-done. Naturally, Xers learned to be extremely self-reliant and independent. As they’ve entered adulthood and the working world, they have quietly rebelled against their childhood experience and committed to crafting a different reality for their Gen Edge children. For Xers, time at home with their families is sacred, and to protect their family time, Xers demand work-life balance and workplace efficiency.Masters of Media
As kids, Xers’ favorite babysitter (and often only babysitter) was the good ‘ole TV. During this time of media explosion, Xers found community in shared interests. Music, TV, movies, and video games brought them together as true media darlings. They consumed programming as if their lives depended on it, watching thousands of hours of television before they’d even hit their 20s. Xers were (and are) defined by their pop culture affiliations. Could you sing along to the latest School House Rock ditty? Did you know the moves to the Thriller music video? Were you a boss at DK? If the answer was yes, you had instant buy-in into the Xer inner circle. The hours they spent watching the boob tube were formative, for sure, but let’s not forget the impact of the personal computer. While Millennials often get credited as the tech generation, it was young Xers who first learned to navigate new technologies, including the computer and video game consoles like Atari, the Commodore 64, and the NES. They became highly adaptable to change, a trait that served them well when they entered a floundering job market. Their adaptability to change, coupled with a distrust of traditional institutions, created ideal conditions for a generation of entrepreneurs. Elon Musk of Tesla, Jack Dorsey of Twitter, and Sergey Brin & Larry Page, the founders of Google, are just a sampling of iconic Gen X business moguls who have disrupted the world as we know it.How Do Xers Show Up in the Workplace?
Today, the oldest Xers have hit their early 50s. They’re keeping it All in the Family, and have worked hard to create a safe, familial home atmosphere that resembles the nuclear families they watched on TV. Entrepreneurial and hardworking, Xers have ascended into leadership positions, but many are still waiting for the day those everlasting Boomers retire.
- Independent: As latchkey kids, Xers grew up without the intense supervision that was the status quo for Millennials. Xers learned that “if you want something done right, you’d better do it yourself.” They’ve brought this self-reliance with them into the workplace, and often prefer to work alone, allergic to the (for Xers) endless Boomer meetings and Millennial brainstorming sessions. Trust us when we tell you that Xers prefer, and really value, their solo time and solo projects. If you try to micromanage them, they’ll be out the door before you can say “team meeting.”
- Transparent + Honest: During Xers’ formative years, they developed an unfiltered, direct style of communication, and their no-BS approach can sometimes be misconstrued as blunt to the point of mean (there is some truth to those stories about Millennial tears). In reality, Xers are brutally honest simply because they care. They’ll pipe up and poke holes to vet an idea when they want the person and project to succeed. If they weren’t invested, you better believe that an Xer would just sit back and watch the car-wreck of an idea self-implode, popcorn in hand.
- Work/Life Balance: Unwilling to sacrifice family time to earn a promotion, Xers reject the notion that more hours in the office = a more productive, hard-working employee. They are fiercely protective of their time, and aren’t afraid to prop up a sturdy barrier between their work and personal lives. To ensure they make it to their kid’s hockey game, their modus operandi is efficient, streamlined, and to the point. They’ll earn that spot on the leadership team the Xer way, by cutting the fat and frivolities and focusing on effective and targeted action. From 9am to 6pm they’ll give you their all, but once 6:01pm hits, as the kids say—they out.
OK, on to my timeline now that we’ve established my “generation”.
I think the best place to start is the beginning. My parents were married in their 20’s after my dad exited the Navy. I was the firstborn of what would one day be 4 girls. There is a 4 year age gap between me and my next sister. I have a half-brother from my dad’s life back in Iowa before he entered the Navy. Unfortunately, we don’t have much contact.
My mom described me in my baby book as “precocious” at age 4 and I started kindergarten early having already learned my ABCs and could read. She noted that I was independent and knew what I wanted and was unafraid to voice my opinion. I was also kind, loved cooking with mom, and loved all animals and the elderly.
In my early years, I have good memories. When my sister was born she was very sick (asthma) and all of my mom’s attention went to keeping her alive (and I am SO thankful she is!). Then my next sister was born when she was only 1, making them 18 months apart and instant lifelong best friends. By the time I was entering 3rd grade, my mom moved me and my sisters to Upstate NY to live in the bottom apartment at my grandparent’s house while my dad stayed in Virginia to finish his associate’s degree.
This is when I remember my mom becoming abusive and angry. She would pull my hair and yell at me when I couldn’t tell her what time it was on the clock (I know now that I have dyscalcula which is why I couldn’t do math well). It was not a great year. We eventually moved to Long Island to reunite with our dad and spent three years there. Things were much better from what I can remember, and as long as my dad was there, there was no abuse. This time was also when my parents started going to church. Thus began my indoctrination.
At ages 8 and 9 (while in Long Island) I remember feeling most connected to nature, trees, and flowers. I raised a little bean plant from seed (and I remember laying outside talking to it and covering it in a dryer sheet so it didn’t get cold). I remember writing “spells” with my friends and thinking we could fly. I had good friends and a happy life. Then we moved to Illinois.
At age 9/10 we spent a year in Illinois in a suburb outside of Chicago. My family was continuing to engage with the local nondenominational church. My mom was also the art teacher at my elementary school. We had my dad’s family close by and spent a lot of time with them during that year. This was the age when I fell in love with Vinyl records. Maybe one day I’ll go into more depth on other things that happened that year. It was pivotal.
We moved back to NY to the Hudson Valley area when I was 10. By this point, I have attended 8 Elementary schools. We moved mid-year so I went from being a 5th grader in Elementary school to instantly being thrusted into Middle School. Thankfully the neighborhood was full of kids and it’s where I met my lifelong best friend. I can see so many future spin-off posts coming….
At 12 my whole world was rocked when my dad left my mom and our family. He took off with the secretary from work. We didn’t hear from him for two years. As a self-proclaimed daddy’s girl, I was beyond devastated. I ended up failing 6th grade and started getting into trouble. My youngest sister was only 5 weeks old when he walked out.
This is where the latchkey part really comes in.
My mom spiraled into a deep depression. She wouldn’t get out of bed for the first few weeks after he left. She then decided to go back to school and get her Masters Degree in art. This meant that 13/14-year-old me was left to care for my 3 siblings every day after school. We lived about 30 minutes from town so often I felt trapped. My mom’s anger increased and I was the victim. She would pull my hair, chase me, pinch me. The screaming was endless. Nothing I did was right. I had no voice. I experimented with cutting. I started smoking cigarettes. She continued to drag me to the church where I was endlessly bullied by the “skinny girls”.
When I was 15 my anger had built up so much and I was so tired of the abuse. I ended up kicking a hole in the wall out of frustration when I was told again that I couldn’t participate in an afterschool activity because she was at school. My mom somehow found my dad and then ended up sending me to live with him, the woman he left her for, her elderly mom, and her younger son.
This meant changing schools, again. The positive is my best friend had moved during middle school and now we were together again in High School.
Unfortunately, I left one abusive situation for another. My dad was fairly passive about most things. He was also a pathological liar. He would tell us stories of falling into pits with spikes in it while in the Navy (turns out he never even left the ship). He smoked cigarettes but his girlfriend thought he had quit. So I used this to my advantage and he bought me my cigarettes and would sneak out and smoke with me and then could blame the smell on me. I shared a bunk bed and room with the elderly woman. To say it didn’t go well is an understatement. Both my dad’s GF and her mom were verbally and physically abusive when my dad wasn’t around. I could be sitting in a chair minding my own business and the mom would get up and start hitting me and screaming. They were all a miserable lot. I could also see this being shared in a separate blog one day.
At 19 my dad took a job in Minnesota. I went and rented a room from a friend for a few months to finish the term at the local community college, and then flew out and joined my dad. He told his GF he would send for her. He never did……
I think I will save for the next post what happened when I got to Minnesota. This is where a turning point for my 20s happened.
If you made it all the way down to this point I’m impressed and I am honored. Thank you for investing the time to know me better.
If any of these experiences resonate with you and you need support or someone to talk to, please feel free to reach out and I can help you connect with a Therapist wherever you are located to support you.
Toodles for now new friends.
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